i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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