You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
