Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
