The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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