i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
