Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
please come you make the beer taste better
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
