you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
