Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
