I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
