she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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