I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
