If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
A+ Viking dick
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
