I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
