I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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