I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I DEMAND FORESKIN
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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