I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
