i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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