dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
