Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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