I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
