how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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