Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.