I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket