guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.