I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.