one might say we're banned from that church
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
