end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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