You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
