As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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