She's JV to your varsity
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
