ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
