just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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