so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
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our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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