Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
