I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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