the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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