She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
