And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Farmville is her only friend.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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