i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
