And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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