You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My life is pants optional.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
