omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
