Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
