I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
