you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Couch. On fire.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
