Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
