know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
