i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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