I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
