he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
