I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
