Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
