What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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