I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He has the fingertips of a God
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