he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
