Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You were trust falling into bushes
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
