My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
