okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
