I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
