What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
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Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
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Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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