I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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