I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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