just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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