College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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