I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
