He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
