I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
