I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
