Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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