Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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