If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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