Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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