shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
