don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
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I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
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Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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