then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I want a musical about memes.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
